Thou Shalt Not Eat Cookies (They’re Gay You Know)

OK, we get it. You don’t like gay people. You somehow think they don’t exist if you don’t ask and they don’t tell. You think that if they marry they denigrate the institution more than straight people who divorce, covet thy neighbor’s wife, or beat each other until one of them snaps and pulls a Lizzie Borden. But boycott cookies? Really? Cookies?

Gay Pride Day was last week and any number of companies, people, and locales other than San Francisco celebrated it. They prize the diversity gay people bring to the country or at least acknowledge that whatever gays do behind closed doors is nobody’s business other than their own. But the audacity of Nabisco posting a picture of a rainbow colored cookie threw homophobes into a real and violent tizzy.

It’s not unusual that anything they percieve as supporting the “homosexual lifestyle” invites a damnation from God. It isn’t unusual that these self-professed loving Christians toss love out the window when it is a love not their own and embark on a boycott against any company crude enough to grab a piece of the homomarket – a challenging idea for a group that is so heavy on unrestricted conservative capitalists.

But boycotting rainbow cookies is a little petty, even for the unapologetic Westboro Baptist crowd. Judging by their vitriolic comments they are one pissed-off coven of elves that live in a tree.

As a member of the human race, it’s unfathomable to me that someone could direct such hate at a homosexual or a gay-colored cookie. But here the Top 10 Crapweasels prove it:

My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter and He Directith Me To Smash Queer Skulls

Here, Let Me Politely Slam Your Face in a Bible

I May Be a Homophobe, But I’m No Racist

Maybe Gay People Din't Make You Sick, Maybe You Got Sick From Eating Too Many Oreos

Maybe Gay People Didn’t Make You Sick, Maybe You Got Sick From Eating Too Many Oreos

Well, At Least He’s Honest

C’Mon, Sing With Me: “BANG, BANG Mads Fjord’s Silver Hammer Came Down Upon His Head…”

Well, He is Right. Inanimate Objects Can’t Support Faggots

Oh, So Christian Gays are Okay, Just Mentally Ill

And God Said, “Go Forth and Hate Homosexuals But Do Not Be Bigoted About It”

Let Me Get This Straight…God Said Love Others But You Can’t Love Others Because God Said They Are Sinners, So if You Aren’t Perfect and are a Sinner Does that Mean You Can’t Love Yourself?

Please Nabisco and God, drown these people in the milk of human kindness before they drown the rest of us in hate!